Abandon all hope: Let’s Party in Diggle Hell!

Discussion in 'Stories & Fan Fiction' started by doorhandle, Aug 10, 2012.

  1. doorhandle

    doorhandle Member

    Part one: Let’s get this party started.

    So, seeing as no-one has posted any spoilers for diggle hell yet, I have decided to take it upon my self to make a let's-play of my attempts to plumb it's depths in the name of excrement and shenanigans! (also achievements.)



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    Here is our unwitting pawn protagonist: Simon, a Werediggle/Master Of Arms/Rage/dual-wielding/pole-arms/warlockery/assassin build, who has acquired more than his fair share of ludicrously overpowered weaponry. This surprises exactly no-one, as this character is run on elfishly easy, after I snapped after loosing one-too-many characters on D.M.P.D. So, pretty unimpressive really.

    Code:Tothedepthsofhell!

    As you know, it doesn't matter what you type, if it doesn't match any arcane graffiti, it will automatically process the location as diggle hell, and react appropriately. You can see when this happens by the homely red static forming in your wizardland portal., as apposed to the black static of a normal wizardland.

    There is no limit to the number of times you can visit diggle hell, but you will want a lot of levels under your belt, unless you’re stealthy enough to just sneak past everything.

    And here it is! Diggle hell itself (or maybe just new jersey,), complete with a totally bitchin’ theme song!



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    (Diggle hell, of course, has all the best diggle music, as that’s where all the diggle musicians go.)

    The enemies in diggle hell are as wide and varied as the colors of the model t-ford: you can have any foe you want, so long as it’s a diggle.

    Note that this include ANY diggle, including some new diggles unique to diggle hell, so as I said, high-level characters only.

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    Speaking of which: here is a Muscle diggle with a bad tan Monstrous Demon Diggle, who is …peacefully smouldering with rage?

    PEACE I want PEACE why can’t I have PEACE and be PEACEFUL be full of PEACE with inner PEACEPEACEPEACEWHYARGGGH.

    If you’re at the point where you can take down a muscle diggle these guys are not any harder. However, they do generate stacks of rage much like an enraged diggle.
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    That hideous skull-thing turned out to be a chest. This plate-steel may LOOK like a good find, but it and it’s kin is almost omnipresent on the R.o.T.D.G levels. Bloody ulms and their bloody preponderance of used plate-mail. I mean, what do they even look like? Dark elves? The fair folk? Mobile semi-deciduous trees? The world may never know. :mad:

    Now BEHOLD ULTIMATE IRONY: A church in hell!

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    Knowing what I know about nuclear bombs, (next-to-nothing), they appear to worship Diggle Stalin Satan!

    ...Wait, hang on, that one was right the first time. (Although, Robert Oppenheimer or Isidor Rabi would perhaps make more sense.)

    Simon is currently the normal-looking diggle in front of the first pew.

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    While it has some unique objects of it’s own, the composition of diggle hell is like any other wizardland. Case in point: this poor bastard. I shall name him Virgil.

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    :eek:
    WATER? In HELL? …I guess there has to be some pre-existing water in order for it to freeze over. That, or diggles value lava as a precious resource for the same reasons dwarves do. Curious theological implications there.:dmg_aphyxiative:

    Come to think of it, Diggle hell, while having the outward appearance of fire-and-brimstone hell, seems to be rather more meaty, what with the walls crafted from the corpses of diggles and all. Now if only it was an option for our pocket dimension.

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    A dissection of an impish demon diggle: They seem to be the castery brothers of the monstrous demon diggles: but like all diggle mages, they ironically do better in melee-range than throwing fireballs.

    Also note that all diggles, even diggle demons, count as animals, and thus diggle hell could be an excellent source of meat and Xp for a hunter build. I’m pretty sure they’re still vulnerable to radiant damage, though.

    The return portal was just a bit further away from that point. So ends our first trip to diggle hell.

    …but where the hell is Count Digula?
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    Where indeed?
     
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  2. Kazeto

    Kazeto Member

    He went out to ravage Transylvanian diggle-maidens, perhaps...
     
  3. doorhandle

    doorhandle Member

    According to his description, he can't leave diggle hell...

    Unless diggle hell is IN transylvania?

    ...*FANFIC FUEL*
     
  4. Frelus

    Frelus Member

    Man, this reminds me of my days with Dwarf Fortress and the guy who colonized hell...
    By making a checkerboard out of the demons.
     
  5. Kazeto

    Kazeto Member

    I mean, he went out to a different part of the diggle hell.

    Yeah, that one was funky.
    Myself I never managed to colonize hell when playing DF. Not that I had many chances to do that, since I only got there once (becoming the overlord of the whole surface world seemed like a better thing to strive for, but dwarves are pretty shoddy when it comes to area control).
     
  6. doorhandle

    doorhandle Member

    Guess what time it is, gentlemen!*
    *If you guessed anything other than "time for an update", then I may not find it in my heart to forgive you. :p


    Part two: Show thyself, bird-brain!

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    So now we continue our adventure, and the settling of the redshirt protagonist Simon’s blood feud with Count diggula. If you’re wondering why a werediggle has a blood feud with a vampire diggle he has never met, you obviously haven’t being paying attention.

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    So, back in diggle hell, with diggles exploding into gore around me. Must be Tuesday.

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    ...okay, so it might be completely original, but knowing gaslamp, who is this guy a rerence to? I think he might be Mirabalus the Hat from Warlock: Master of the arcane, (Neat game, buy it) but I’d like to be sure. Come to think of it, who the hell is Triagulon?

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    INTRODUCING THE UNDIVINITY OF HELL, DIGGLE SATAN STALIN!

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    AND HIS SECOND CONSIN, FROM THE UNDIVINITY OF HECK, DIGGLE BENNY!

    Seriosuly though, two diggle devil statues in the same level? Side by side? Obviously, the random number god has a significant presence in diggle hell, if no other do. Explains why it always shows up in roguelikes anyway.

    Also, more confirmation for the theory that molten rock is a precious substance to digglekind, as these two seem to be hogging all the magma in the level, obviously to bribe the lesser diggles with.

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    Silly diggle. Entombing yourself in the corpse-rocks of your brethren won’t save you.

    Speaking of which, have you heard the new Dethklok album, “Entombed within the Corpse-rocks of my brethren?”

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    Gentlemen, the doctor is in. Now if only we had the keys to that TARDIS…

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    I’m going to take this opportunity to say that the two diggle devils mentioned above are both slack and incompetent, as not only have they failed to stop me and let the diggles sleep on the job, but they can brew beer and hold wild keggers in their absence! That, or the diggles are drinking to forget.

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    So, I’m poking demons with my trident, and it’s just occurred to me that we have this entirely the wrong way round. Speaking of wrong-ways, you can also have trained hunting diggle spawn in hell, as unfriendly mobs: Maybe they were trained by other Diggles? And if so, is that slavery, or domestication?

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    Anyway, onto a more pressing issue, would you sell your soul for an achivement?

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    I wouldn’t, but that’s only because I have Simon to do it for me. Anyway, the diggle statue is so not worth the benefits you get, unless there is a hithero-unseen proc I have missed, and is probably for those desperate souls who enter diggle hell before they can properly fight their way out/have found a different diggle god.

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    After using the Mighty Auger and a B.o.M.D (A nuke well wasted!) to dig my way out, I found I went to hell twice and all I got was this stupid t-shirt randart. I don't think cheese-based coffie would be very edible, and even less so with fire resistance and armour absorption!

    Still no sign of Diggula. Where is that miserable pile of overabused memes anyway?
     
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  7. Giygas

    Giygas Member

    Well, at least that t-shirt has some :resist_conflagratory: on it. No wonder it's still down there.
     
  8. doorhandle

    doorhandle Member

    I dunno. Dredmor lava seems to operate independent of convection.

    Part 2.5: Third time unlucky.

    Briefly Into the breach once more, my friends!

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    Also, for a change of pace from digglecide, autocide*. Simon is beyond the point where evil clones are a meaningful threat, but they have probably killed off more than a few promising young characters in their prime, because it’s a good idea to pull basically every other lever in the game. Thus, they are quite menacing in other wizardlands, but are just another fish in the barrel that is diggle hell.

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    *While technically correct if dealing with evil clones, the term suicide sets a bad precedent.

    The rest of the layer is uneventful, with no other untward eve-

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    Oh. Hello there.

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    Count Diggula would like to introduce himself. He’s a creature of the night, and also wealth and taste, like any good vampire.

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    And like any good vampire, he uses his fangs to politely open a can of whop-ass, and I get served with it and my own ass on a silver platter while Diggula continues to chew bubblegum, all without messing up his Fasionable Vampire Cravat. Diggle like a birth INDEED.

    Seriously, the entire battle took 3 hits and maybe one spell, not including Digula hitting Simon, Simon hitting the ground, and then all the little bits of Simon hitting things after their former owner has his game overed.

    However:

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    This after-action report doesn’t end here. Due to a glich, no normal save-files work or save properly after you enter diggle hell... but auto-saves do, so somehow, while the auto save deleted itself, the alpha save-file is still there.

    That, or I left permadeath off like a derp. Still, I’m chalking it up to providence (an the unfortunate glitchy programming of the wizardlands.)

    Lessons learnt: Don't engage the end-boss in melee.
    ...Frankly, you think I would have learnt that 5 playthroughs ago.
     
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  9. Kazeto

    Kazeto Member

    It's all because your Simon was not a Belmont.
     
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  10. Giygas

    Giygas Member

    I'm so glad I have Super Castlevania IV or else I would be completely lost with all these references.

    Either way, i'm going to make an attempt to kill Digula on my current run, once I make it to DL15. Disclaimer: he is neither a Simon nor a Belmont. I fully expect him to explode in to gibs, but I have nothing to gain from beating Dredmor on GRPD again.
     
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  11. SkyMuffin

    SkyMuffin Member

    Curious: Does using the same code for Diggle Hell always generate the same dungeon? If you used "Whereisvladdigula" on multiple computers, would it always be the same? :eek:
     
  12. Frelus

    Frelus Member

    I think Nicholas or so answered that one in the Graffiti thread, with a no.
     
  13. doorhandle

    doorhandle Member

    However, I will note you can always find diggula's room, because it is described as "Its alive" or "It Lives!" or something to that extent.
     
  14. Giygas

    Giygas Member

    In my game, it was called "Digging Never Dies".

    So, I guess Digula's room has a unique name.

    (Yes, I beat him. Sorry, doorhandle.)
     
  15. eskr

    eskr Member

    @giygas Rogue Permadeath or it doesn't count :p
     
  16. Giygas

    Giygas Member

    ^^^ It was. It was actually surprisingly easy; he never casted a decent spell (thanks Rogue Scientist and your daze gun things) and even if he did manage to cast a spell it would have been reflected or mitigated by my ridiculously encrusted shields (neither of which were any help in the one spell he did cast; an Arctic Swirly, which was completely resisted from the Time Lords Scarf and Hyperborean Mittens I was wearing).
     
  17. eskr

    eskr Member

    Yeah. I believe it. Just gotta shut 'em down.
    First time I learned he was a caster, second time I learned he was also melee. Next time. [Duhn duhn duhnnnnn!]
     
  18. doorhandle

    doorhandle Member

    That seems to be a reoccuring patten with roguelike bosses in both dreadmor and elsewhere. They're not fair games. :p

    Also, holy shit, have you managed to forget about an internet project for almost a month?!! I have, and probably will in future.

    Part 3: The binding of Simon.


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    When we last left our unwtting minion protagonist, he had “Diggled like a birth” to the fanged-auger of Count Diggula, and has his worthless somewhat heroic butt saved by a screw-up with the save file system.

    Now when we meet him, he has added yet more items to his increasingly ludicrous (in all senses of the word) arsenal of weapons. I’ve started to use one artifact lirpa (the logical choice) and either one artifact dwarven atom smasher, or one artifact axe of the solar disk. Did not find any endgame polearms, unfortunately: not that Simon needs the help. One can't complain when you find artifacts with HALF as many buffs as that.

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    Pretty sure Simon is making that threat to the other diggles and not the other way round here. Also, One of the diggles was killed by a counter before I even arrived. Serves him right.

    So I’ll just clear this mess up an- “EYEBROW! LET MY PEOPLE GO!”

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    ...Well, at least I didn’t have to track him down this time. I take the opportunity to turn invisible and buff up, as is tradition in rougelikes. He doesn't seem to be terribly fooled by my invisibility though, and seems to let me buff up just to humor me. Seriously, he doesn't attack you but he tends to follow your exact position and prevents you from moving past him.

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    Q: How do you know you are utterly, completely screwed?

    A: You have just blasted your foe with your best and brightest attacks, and all it really does is turn them on.

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    Yeeeeeeeah. Ew.

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    Fun fact: you CAN stun Count Diggula, but you better hope the source of that stun cannot be resisted itself.

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    The fight is much like one with Dredmor: he prefers to stand back and slather you in debuffs and spell-nukes, despite the fact that he’s actually stronger in melee-combat, as I found to my cost. Your best bet is to throw your entire inventory at him and hope it works: clockwork sawbades seem to work best here, although he rocket bolts and sundry projectiles of all kinds are welcome. Also, here’s a close-up on Diggula’s badass throne and the even more badass lanterns.

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    …Yeah, I’m going to give credit where it’s due, if Diggula can survive two subsequent bolts of mass destruction to the face. Like a boss!


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    Practioners of Warlockery don’t have spells so much as they have streams of raw magical power which they pray is pointed in the right direction, but whatever works, Diggula.

    Holy hand grenades work better than the bolts, but you are inevitably caught in the crossfire and radiant resistance is very few and far between. CURSE YOU MONTY PYTHON! Diggula.

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    It was a great fight, but from the start it was clear that diggle hell wasn’t big enough for TWO super-powerful diggles empowered by supernatural ancestry to wreck havoc on this world and the next and then steal everything both nailed down and on fire due to undivine mandate, as evidenced by the zombys walking the earth. still had to retreat to heal invisibly though, and scoff up some delicious omelettes.

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    Hey, Count Diggula!

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    YOU’RE GOING TO THE SPEICAL HELL.



    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5c2Vb7CqTdc



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    So, yes I killed him and got my achievement (on the easyest setting. So, the "achivement" part is in question.) Of course, now I have to get out of diggle hell.

    Part 2------>
     
  19. doorhandle

    doorhandle Member

    Part 2: The revenge of the binding of Simon.

    (Fun fact: He was actually named after Simon the driller.)

    As the slayer of count Diggula, I have a responsibility to soak his ashes in holy-lukefisk juices, smashing them with the dwarves atom-smasher seven times seven times on an anvil of krong, and then blowing them to the winds upside-down at a crossroads. Nothing to do with preventing Count Gigula from coming back from the grave (again), that’s just what’s in his will.

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    Speaking of atoms and smashing, This is just a quick image showing the aftereffects of being hit with a dwarven atom smasher, (well, besides instant obliteration at the thaumic level.) It frequently releases a cloud of radioactive thaums, which dose a large amount of damage of varying timers, mostly transmutative, to everything caught within it. Generally, YOU are generally one of the people caught in the blast radius.

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    Hey! I just killed the secret leader of the secret leaders of the secret leaders of diggle society! Does that make me your boss? (No.)

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    That last part there basically sums up how I feel about the pope I.R.L, minus the legitimacy. Then again, it also raises the question of why a picture of the hyper-pope is in hell...

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    They drink, they get drunk, they inevitably end up damaging the entire structure of the universe in their search for the perfect brew, no problem!

    Also found a few empty cages, some broken and battered within the depths of diggle hell. It raises the question of exactly what they were keeping in there…

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    It certainly wasn’t the diggles.

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    So simon though the hells and won, and lived to fight another day. (Not for long though. Dreadmor got ‘im.)

    So, what have we learnt from this venture?

    1. Diggle hell is a real place that you will go to if you are naughty.
    2. “Being naughty” is defined as “Misspelling the name of a wizardland.”
    3. Santa Claus has a “naughty-or-nice” list, and reward the nice while punishing the naughty.
    4. Santa subsists on a diet of milk and cookies.
    5. These milks and cookies are given out once a year.
    6. Therefore Santa Claus= a grammar Nazi with no sense of perspective and the worst teeth ever.
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    THE WORST FREAKING TEETH, MAN!
    (Also, never melee the endboss. On ANY difficulty.)
    :oops:
    Food for thought.

    -Doorhandle.
     
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  20. OmniaNigrum

    OmniaNigrum Member