From what I see, your problem is not with Forge in itself, but rather with people who, instead of just making a united base of a mod and making their mods "add-ons" for said base, create really large mods which aren't very compatible with similar stuff. There was a time when large mods were the only way to go if you wanted something to add many things, yes. But these were the times when mods had to be installed manually and not even half of them used Risugami's ModLoader, not to mention Forge or anything similar to it not existing, and ModLoader being the only thing close to it. But modders from that time could unite and create something big which worked. Now that it's possible to make one's mod into a "core" mod and 10 smaller "add-on" ones, it's actually preferable to do that and convince other people to use the very same "core" mod as their mod's "core" mod and simply make different "add-on" mods for it. But no, they don't do that for whatever reason, likely just because of communication failures.