Well, it has been a good long time since I have existed in these forums. I feel I should say hi, good to see you all. And dear devs: Clockwork Empires cant come soon enough, keep up the great work! I am going to procrastinate in asking for some advice until the end. First, I wanted to share how I have been. And, thats been pretty good. I have been doing a combination of making YouTube videos. Building my dream machine( I will post specs further down, prepare to launch bricks from rear end) "Working". And a variety of other things. Life has been treating me well admittedly. Prepare for dramatic story full of young person craziness I am sure. Fun facts: I am 19. Come from a well off family. Have a caring family. Anyways....By luck, by fate, or by some twisted RNG god, I have met a girl that I like very much. That RNG god was so kind as to have her like me back *cheering clapping etc etc* But wait! She is in China and I am in America! Please, pick your jaws off from the floor and allow me to continue. So, I tell myself. ok. I am a smart and able bodied person. I come from a decent family, I can work. I can make this dream happen. So, I get into the family business, dreams to be successful like my father and proceed to make my dreams a reality. Well, to save some space, I dont really get paid. I mean, I get a roof over my head. Food. Some really fun things. Prepare for computer specs: CPU: intel i7 3930k 6 cores at 4.5ghz Gpu: GTX 780 Ram 8x 4gb sticks(32gb) 1866mhz MB: Asus p9x79 pro Cpu fan: H110 280mm radiator liquid cooled. PSU: AX1200i 80plus platinum. Tower: CM Storm Trooper To simply do some estimates it is about $2800 So I obviously get some nice things and I dont want to seem unappreciative or spoiled or whatnot. But, I just dont feel like its "mine" I feel, I am not really allowed to make my own decisions and this just sucks. I almost feel trapped really. Anything I want or dream towards always ends with having to request permission from mom and dad. That is pretty stressful especially when i would like to consider myself an adult. I hate going to them for anything. Their response to this? Well, they say I can go to them for anything and it is dumb for me to feel this way. They will point out the nice things I have...lost train of thought. Now, at that point I am sure some people would say talk to your parents. And trust me, I have tried. I am terrible at this though. My relationship with my mom is rather poor. And my father while he cares about me and every1 else, he has his views on things and is not the best at understanding me...My work for him is simply valued training and experience( I also do not work full time. But on a get ready to leave when I tell you schedule.) I am very bad at talking with them I suppose and have never been very comfortable talking with them about myself etc. Here comes the parts I have recently become stuck at. Out of frustration I decided I would make a resume and apply to some jobs overseas. My girlfriend in China, she had told me jokingly to apply once because there is a very high demand for white native English speakers. Well, I applied. Not necessarily for her, but to push myself in a new direction that I wanted to go.I did not expect anything of it. Well, that RNG god I mentioned earlier, I guess he decided that the Chinese want to hire me. I have offers up to 7000-12000 yuan a month. thats around $1300-1500. The offers include my visa, paid apartment and utilities. Medical and transportation to work. 20 hours a week. 5 days a week. Even paid vacation and bonuses. In China, that is a considerable amount of money. And expenses would be next to none on top of it. I dont know how to go about any of this. I have always wanted to visit China. On top of that, the girl I love is there, maybe you claim I am too young to love, but regardless, I have always been attracted to Chinese people and interested in the culture and find the land can be very beautiful. It is just a real opportunity that I can finally break free a little(or a lot) and try to find and be myself. But is this the right way? I love my family, and I dont want to hurt them by my decisions, but at the same time, I dont want to be trapped into this mindset and not be able to well...live(that sounded.... suicidal, I am not, nor will I ever be suicidal. By live I mean...to well...be myself I guess). Job contracts are only for a single year at which point they can be renewed or I can return back to America(paid by employers). I just dont know. And even more...I dont even know how to go about telling my parents. My dad feels I am obligated to work for him, even replace him one day. Obviously I would be crushing that mindset and dream of his. At least temporarily. My brother and sister may miss me, but in all fairness they would understand and think it is really cool I imagine. I dont know how my mom would react. She can be a bit manipulative and may support me or not. i dont know. She means well most of the time, but does not have a huge impact on my decision. I know this also should be about me. And I want to do this, I think it could be a really unique and amazing experience. But obviously there are some obstacles over doing this. As well as even if I should. There is a bunch there. My thoughts are probably a huge mess. But, for those that read it and reply. Thank you.
I can't tell you what to do, and in spite of all you've told me, I cannot predict the repercussions of a decision one way or the other. I bet that you don't really know either, other than guesses and hopes and fears. My guess is that you want to get away from your parents which is natural, and the right decision for some people. Whether it's right for you or not, you'll have to decide for yourself. You didn't say how old you are, as that would have a bearing on my advice. But I'll assume that you are legally an adult. I will say that when I was a little older probably than you are now, I accepted a relocation by my employer to Florida from New Jersey (originally from New York). Granted, Florida is not China, for better and for worse. There were both positive and negatives to that move. I missed my friends (although one did come and visit with his youngest kid for a weekend). I missed New York (though not the snow). Overall, though, I wasn't thrilled with my decision. Which is why, when my 2 year obligation was completed (i was oblligated to work for them for 2 years or I'd be responsible for my relocation expenses), I accepted an offer from a headhunter to move to Ohio. And I will say that moving from Florida to Ohio was the best decision I ever made (and yes, in spite of the snow). I didn't know it was a great decision at the time, but that's how it turned out. IT was the best job I ever had, best co-workers, best employers, and I made some of my best friends. My only point is that you never know how a big move will turn out. I was unhappy in Florida, but I was REALLY happy in Ohio. You have to make a decision and then you have to stand by it. I will say one more thing -- while going into the family business was never a consideration for me, I did work summers occasionally in my dad's office when his secretary was on vacation, and it was not something I'd ever want to do again. (although eating in China Town, and hanging out in some really cool used book stores in Manhattan ain't a bad way to spend your lunch hour).
I am 19. I actually used to live in Ohio, so go buckeyes! haha. And I must say...it must be freezing X.X And the family business itself really is not that bad. I am state, and thus federally licensed Lead based paint inspector and have another license for Asbestos fiber containing materials. The work is decent. But I get all the benefits and consequences of being son to the owner of the company. And to me, my parents wont recognize me as an adult and I don't think they want to. Probably would be different if I had gone to college and left them that way. Easier at least in that regard. But instead I jumped into the workforce, which in itself I do not regret at all, but I think I missed that stage where my parents have to let go of my hand, I guess that part of being a first child also... As far as the job in china goes..... Commitment to it though lasts as long as a visa. So minimum 3 months maximum 1 year. However I think it is in my best interest to rule out the option of 3 months because that is genuinely such a short period of time to experience anything let alone learn a new way of life, a culture etc..and seems a unreliable option for working creating potential issues with payment, living, etc. Just seems a bad choice from a business perspective I think. My main concerns really are not wanting to seem ungrateful, or disrespectful to my parents. And by simply leaving them and everything. I cant help but feel they will take it as throwing away a lot of what they worked hard to do for me. But at the same time, it seems like something I really need to do. If not for the experience alone, but really to finally set out do something for myself and I may end up loving the new lifestyle if not I still end up back in America eventually. It doesnt help I have a tendency to be indecisive about things. Or not even that, but find it hard at times to take action on my decisions. But you are right that I need to think of what i really want, and then do it. Stick with it. And go from there I guess. I guess there are no "right" decisions in life.... But there sure are some really hard ones....and this, to me, is one of them. And I feel I cant even talk to my parents about it fully, not only because that's hard for me in the first place, but that takes me full circle into how I feel they have held my hand for far to long, I don't want to rely on them to help me make this decision, I need to tell them my plans and hope they understand or at least support it.
Well, it's impossible to know what you're like for many of us, but... I really don't think it sounds like a good idea. For a start, you're young. I ain't all that much older than you (about five years), but dang, 19? How self-sufficient are you? Have you spent any real time away from your family, on your own or with friends? You'd be going to a country you know little about with no-one you know to meet a girl you've only seen online, to work for a company you don't know, etc., etc., etc. There's no safety barrier for you. You don't mention having much experience with Chinese culture (being interested in and experiencing are two entirely different things), no grasp of the Chinese language (again, if you had any hope of living there, you'd need to know some basic Chinese, and I'm not even sure which dialect/form you'd need), it doesn't seem like you've considered the culture shock, either. It's not "its a dumb idea lol", it's about your safety, and your safety is *the* most important thing. Not this girl, not this job offer, not your interest in Chinese culture. It's *you*, mkay? You're taking a stupid amount of risks if you go through with this, and it doesn't sound as if you've got a safety net. Do you have savings? What do you plan to do if everything goes wrong in China, e.g. the job offer is fake or something? And, of course, you've not mentioned how long you've known this girl. Just... don't go getting any Romeo and Juliet ideas, kay? That story did not turn out well for anyone. Ain't no sense in getting yourself into huge problems.
I know the concern, and its a number of things rushing through my head as well and I thank you for it thinking about some of the things you brought up: The particular offer I have been considering comes from http://www.edualways.com/en/articel.php?id=7 Which, if fake, is very nicely done. That does not usually happen often. I also will be doing a video interview before I consider it. And obtaining a work visa is not something easily faked. Authorities are involved pretty strictly when it comes to people going to china and working or vice versa. I know I can get either F-Visa or Z-Visa and for my own safety and job risk beliefs I feel Z-visa is a more secure option. I dont know enough about these visas yet, or if a better option exists but I hope to continue looking at them. I do have working experience, I have worked with and besides companies such as Microsoft, Digitalchemy(small app development company, has some top rated productivity apps), and have frequented many meetup groups, dev talks, among other things. I have done my best to stay involved in the business side of things. The job offers classes to help me learn the language and culture. These are optional, as the job is 100% in English. But I would take them in a heart-beat or otherwise be called a fool. I think this also could be a big help to the culture shock part of things. The girl, I have known her as best as one can online, for about 9 months. That is 9 months where I have seen her repeatedly by picture, and video, and had text and voice communications. I think it is safe to say I know her and would be safe around her. She also has taught me some of the ways and customs, beliefs etc along the way. I did not start that relationship with any intention of ending up liking her, for probably a good 3 months, we were pretty much just penpals, but we grew on eachother. I have even talked to some of her friends and family over the months. And you are a bit right on the concern for how I might function independantly. To be honest I am too. But At home, I generally have a lot of freedom to go where I want, do what i want, I clean the house generally, and am a capable cook. However, all of these things when home always have required permission I suppose and have never really been independant. There was a time where I did live away from home for about half a year. I was mostly independent and I stayed with my grandma. There have been times she has even tried to convince me to leave home again to stay with her because she knows the situation, but there really is not much for me to do if I go that route however I will admit this has been a consideration as well but something I have been ruling out. As far as experience with chinese culture. I live in washington, Bellevue and seattle area. as well as very close to canada. These parts are actually surprisingly high in Chinese and asian populations. For a few years I was essentially part of an all chinese swim team, Coach had the heaviest accent haha, Really fun times. Point being, I am not the most familiar with the culture, but I am comfortable with the people and have a better background experience with it than other parts of the states when half of your friends families come from china, you pick up a thing or two also haha. Some of my friends are in traditional lion dancing teams and perform at festivals! how cool is that! Culture shock still is real. and completely scary. As far as that goes, I do always have the "safety" of the internet to connect with friends, family etc. Other things that could help cope to things is perhaps finding a good book. But real, take in the culture slowly. If I try to jump in all at once yes, by all means I will be overwhelmed. And I am sure there are countless other risks I cant even imagine yet. But I think I do need to look a little more at the direct risks to me. I have been worrying alot over the risks to those around me at the moment. Im not going to lie. Its a crazy thing ive gotten to think about. And a crazier thing I set into motion. And Im trying to take it day by day where I want to go with it. But I have to be thankful I can ask these things and get feedback from people with a tad bit more experience in the world than I have haha. At the very least it helps me sort out thoughts and helps make new ones. Thank you guys.
I just wanted to give you a link that you should check out: http://forums.eslcafe.com/job/viewtopic.php?p=982531
Visit China as a tourist before deciding it is where you want to work. It cannot hurt to visit and see for yourself. And the very first thing you do once there is find your nations embassy and go for a visit. Talk to the people there since they can tell you what the dangers are that people fall for. (It is part of their job to keep you safe after all.) If they tell you that area X is a bad area and not to go there, do not run there to see for yourself. (I presume I need not warn you from doing stupid things you have been warned away from.) Be prepared to see things you do not and will not understand. (Even if you think you know a foreign ethnicity well, they would not be foreign if that were always true.) If you see someone being attacked in the streets, run away. DO NOT HELP. That cannot be stressed enough. Even here in my hometown in the USA it is not uncommon to stage an attack when an obvious tourist comes through in order to gang up on them and rob them. Never get involved in anything illegal in a foreign land. China has and will continue to punish tourists exactly the same as natives. So if someone offers drugs, refuse and walk away. If a prostitute offers anything, refuse and walk away. Your girlfriend will be proud that you did. Have fun, and I hope I sound like a crazy person warning you against things you already know better than.
Handful of stories from my life: First a Story: Chinese man, studying here in the USA on his doctorate. He misses china, browses their dating sites alot. Meets girl online. They chat and talk for many months using skype, my best guess is between 6-8 months. He decides he wants to marry her before ever meeting her. They plan the wedding. He flies out, visits his family and marries her, brings her back, and they quickly find they hate each other. Moral of this Story: Don't make huge financial/life changing situations around a girl(significant other) until you have known her for a while in Person. Second Story: Family business. I have another friend who is american (chinese american). He is going to inherit his family's company. It is worth many hundreds of millions dollars. So what you say? It involves tons of travel to china/taiwan/korea. Well he actually wants to do the work, and he is nowhere NEAR the oldest. All the other older siblings turned it down, it wasn't a good fit for them. Just because the family business is in the family, doesn't mean that you have to take it on you. Everything is going to work out fine. Moral of this Story: Don't feel obligated to take on a family business simply because you are family. Discover yourself. You may finish in china, and decide you really like the family business. You may discover you are a much better situation in china, or like your work and want to go back home. If none of the siblings want to do it, then that is part of life. Just like choosing any other job. Final story (my story): I didn't know what I wanted to do with myself. Graduated college with a degree in chemistry. Not particularly fond of the work, but I am done. Decide to get a doctorate because it is easier than going and finding a job. It was, got my doctorate. But I was lazy. I didn't start looking for work until I am out of school. Learn that I missed tons of great internship type opportunities that require you still be a student. Doh! I was too busy playing Dungeons of Dredmor and other games instead of figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. Bad economy makes it rough to find a job. Nobody wants to hire me for a a PhD position since I have no experience (and no post-doc). Nobody wants to hire me for a basic position because they think I will run out on them. Moral of my Story: Build your resume. The more crazy fancy things you can get on there the better. So ultimately, my last piece of advice is to really research what you are doing. There are a lot of scams out there. You are young so you got time to figure your life out. If the company is willing to hire you, then before you decide, ask to either talk to other people who are currently or who formerly did it before making a decision.
Thanks for that. I have actually been doing searches myself for reviews and everything and it is really frustrating. Frustrating because you get people complaining how bad it is, and then of course, you get the other side of things where people are in shock at the people that can think that because they had completely different experiences. Any of the negative things I have found have been pretty crazy. But each one has almost the exact same wording and tends to be followed by people that say otherwise. I have found similar patterns with other schools and agencies as well. I read somewhere that the competition between the schools is pretty steep right now and the schools being treated like individual business have had times where they review each other in this manner. So it is hard what to really believe because, was it a former employee? Was it a rival school? And then if it was an employee, how did they perform and behave? As with most jobs, employer is only half the story, if I am a lazy worker, suck at my job, have a terrible attitude, or am just unhappy of course I could have bad things to say. There are so many factors that it is hard to find what reviews to trust or not. I take it all with a grain of salt I guess. And if I at least have a mindset of the worst reviews being worst case scenarios and the best reviews being best case. Somewhere in the middle might be more towards the actual truth. Wootah suggested a really good Idea. To ask to contact current or previous employees. And that I think could be very useful and hopefully give a better idea of working conditions, company quality, and if for some reason I am refused to even talk with current employees, maybe I can scratch this one off my list and focus at some of the others places more.
I linked the discussion, not because it was good or bad -- I didn't know what to make of that either, other than that it sounds legit. Whether it's a good choice, that I can't tell you. But yes, talking to current employees would be a great idea. One of the things that really convinced me to move to Ohio to take that job I told you about was that I had a rather humorous encounter with people who would become my co-workers (they basically crashed one of my interviews -- no joke). It told me one very important thing, that the atmosphere there was very relaxed and informal, which really fit my temperament. So talking to as many people as you can beforehand can be useful.
Employees are more apt to exaggeration -- if they are unhappy, they may exaggerate their negative experiences, and if they are happy, they may describe the job in far more glowing terms than the job deserves. Many people will actually be objective, but it's hard to tell which is which. That's why you need to talk to more than one person to get more than one perspective. They probably will not all agree, but you can try to find the common elements in their stories if they worked in the same location. It's the Employers that you have to be most careful with. I've had employers that varied a great deal, including one that I eventually learned was pretty close to criminal in their dishonesty towards prospective employees (and probably criminal in other way). If an employer tells you something that sounds too good to be true, that's probably the case. But you can always try to verify it by talking to their employees.
Sure, but it also depends on the workplace culture. The employees might be scared to speak out against the employer (it happens), or may not feel confident in revealing everything. And the same goes with employers, often they're all too happy to fudge the figures and statistics in order to make themselves look better.
It really makes for a problematic situation doesn't it haha. After all, it is their employment they would be talking about and I imagine they dont want to jeopardize their jobs. Other news: In a fun series of events. I was woken up and given maybe a 10 minute heads up that I need to leave to some classes on I dont know what and where. So, I expressed how I dont feel it is fair, or respectful to myself to give me such a short notice. I asked my dad how long he has known about the class compared to him telling me about it. And he said it does not matter, I dont need any notice because apparently any plans I have are nothing productive or important. That resulted in myself not changing my plans on such short notice. As a result, apparently I need another job and have a rent of $100 a week until February at which point it becomes $400 because when he was my age, he didnt have a dad that did anything for him and he had to have 2 jobs 7days a week to get to where he is today. So, as I am being told I need to find jobs and get stories about how his dad had never done anything for him, I had the opportunity to notify him that I already have 2, possibly 3, interviews for today already planned. Where he asks? China I respond...and he simply walks away because he and my mom still are heading to the class. Its about mold apparently I later discovered. Fun way to start my day..... I don't think its unreasonable to give me a notice on that type of thing right? I can almost guarantee that if I had known about any classes or plans ahead of time, I would not of planned any interviews today... Frustrated but.... It will be interesting to see where those interviews lead to. And...of course dealing with my parents later today.
What kind of classes? But yeah, I hate surprise changes to my planned schedule as well. As far as paying parents rent -- I did that after college, up until I found my own apartment. Living at home was cheaper, but dad wanted me out lol. Fortunately (after suffering through a low-paying lab job), I found something that could actually allow me to afford to (eventually) move out. Still had to struggle because of my college loans for a while, but things did get better once they were paid off. And fighting successfully for a raise that had been promised to me, then seemingly reneged on) was also a step in the right direction (remember I told you about employers who lie).
Classes for information about mold and toxins. We are He is in the building inspection industry and often clients will have VOC's and other air quality tests that we send to the labs for results along with swabs and everything. So, the classes are information about mold, health risks etc. I completely understand the paying rent thing. but $100 a week(to be bumped up to $400!?), on top of he never paid me except with the idea of a roof over your head some food and such....that has always made moving out or really just going forward in life difficult if not impossible. I'm going to call it a bluff considering he was mad...but...that is a foolish thing to assume. I have even tried paying rent in the past. Told him he would pay me when I am working with him and in return, I pay rent. That concept never seemed to work. And then once I was grounded....because I dont pay any utilities or anything they feel they can ground me from using electronics and things that are 100% mine.... I went, pulled out $200 cash and said here is my utility bill for the month. Offer refused. Anyways, my first "face to face" interview begins shortly. Technology really is something haha, would never of thought I would come around to doing interviews by video.
Even though it's by video, you want to make your best impression. I don't know how much practice you've had with job interviews, but you want to make a good impression. Dress appropriately for the job you are applying for (office jobs, you want a suit and tie, other kinds of jobs, you want something more akin to 'business casual' -- something you would wear to a nice restaurant or visiting family for the holidays. It's better to be overdressed than underdressed. Be relaxed, and don't be afraid to say 'I don't know' if you really don't. Prepare questions to ask him (besides getting information that you may need, it also shows interest in what they do). Speak clearly and enunciate (especially important when dealing with someone for whom English may not be their first language. Try not to speak too fast or mumble. And don't be afraid to think before answering.
Good points. Im also using my best webcam and, headset, while it may look a bit amusing at first(my headset), It at least ensures my voice sounds crisp and clear, does not pick up as much background noise etc and allows me to hear the other person better.
